Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize