You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
