I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
