I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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