Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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