I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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