thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
