I puked a lego.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They took my balls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
