I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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