those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
