I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
