if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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