Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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