I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
