i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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