Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
