Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
