dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
