And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
