I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
