Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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