I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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