I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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