that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
