dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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