with your own penis?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
