Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
vagina is talking i cant
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
