they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
