The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
