How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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