it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
