the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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