i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
