My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You've changed since you got that strap on
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