____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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