I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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