and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize