Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize