I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
