Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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