Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
