There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
