Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
