I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
