if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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