i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found the puke drawer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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