i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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