the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
