I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
