I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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