you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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