Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
