thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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