Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
