we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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