Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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