i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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