wakey wakey hands off snakey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
