Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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