she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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