He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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