Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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