He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize