I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
