remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
